Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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