Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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