sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
