So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
