we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
