I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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