i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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