Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
