OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
