So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
