where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
