She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
