I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
