The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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