I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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