It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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