The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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