She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When are your genitals available?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
