Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
