woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
