Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This baby is an asshole
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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