Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This baby is an asshole
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
