i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
