I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
