when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
