Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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