I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize