Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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