covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize