paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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