i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
