So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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