And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
