Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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