If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
