Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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