If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
