I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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