My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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