ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
