The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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