So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
