it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize