I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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