I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
