Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
