it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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