tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize