The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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