Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
