Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we made out on top of his cat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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