so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
wow bdsm is so cute
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
