Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
