I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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