I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
