yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
