sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
