Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize