So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
