I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
