Its about making memories worth repressing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize