I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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