Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
