Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
