Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
