I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
