as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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