What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did I show you my penis last night?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
