idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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