Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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