he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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