I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
