Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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