Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
