My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
