I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
