I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
