Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
