the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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