I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
