i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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