dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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