I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
