I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
