who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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