i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
