and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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