im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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