some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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