There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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