just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
