Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
