did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
