i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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