Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
