She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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