youre lurking in front of me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
