i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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