She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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