She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
